All mums and grandmas should definitely read The Unmumsy Mum by Sarah Turner

My daughter recently gave me this book and I couldn’t put it down until I reached the last page. I laughed and cried in equal measures, (well probably laughed a bit more actually). She is mum to our gorgeous granddaughter aged six and a half and is determined that she will be an only child, (so far). I was a very unmumsy mum 30 years ago and now that my two are grown up and appear to have survived my mothering “skills” reasonably unscathed, I look back and ask myself – why? Why all the worry, guilt, comparing myself to all the yummy mummies I knew I had no chance of equaling. So today I’m a much more relaxed grandma, (even when I ask my granddaughter not to let on to mummy that a) she had an extra choccy biscuit for being a good girl; b) she was allowed to stay up late to watch “Britain’s Got Talent”; or c) we sometimes have been known to bribe her with extra pocket money to hurry up and get ready when we’re doing the school run. I am an only child and I can still remember bristling with indignation when my lovely mum pointed out rather unhelpfully that “I never behaved like that” as she witnessed her 3 year old grandson attempt to bite off his baby sister’s ear! No mum, I expect I was perfectly well behaved, as, I had no-one to aggravate the hell out of me all day long. When the Unmumsy Mum talks about mum’s guilt I know how that feels too. But then there was an added dimension to my situation. Unable to have our own kids, we adopted two babies so I always had the sneaking suspicion that I wasn’t doing as good a job as their “real” mothers would have done and they would one day compare notes pointing out that I was rubbish at baking, crafts, sports etc. That hasn’t happened – yet. It wasn’t exactly helpful when a “well meaning”, I.e., interfering old busybody from our Church exclaimed “well you didn’t have to have them”, as he observed me disciplining, (shouting), as they gaily ripped the heads off the daffs in the Priest’s garden. Of course the miserable old git was technically correct. We didn’t have to adopt. We both had a sluggish degree of fertility so we could have left it at that, bought a mansion, 2 brand new cars every year and travelled extensively in our private jet, (only kidding about the jet). However, after all the ups and downs of family life, the times when I could cheerfully have walked into the sea with large boxes full of Lego bricks tied to my legs, I know I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Last week my granddaughter wrote her first love letter – to me. It said “I luv Grandma and was illustrated with her depiction of herself, mummy and me. When I showed it to my girl her eyes filled up, (and she doesn’t do mushy sentiment). I’m so sorry that Sarah Turner’s mum didn’t get the chance to see what a wonderful job she is obviously doing with her two fantastic little boys. She would have been so proud of her daughter just as I am. My daughter is a single mum who hasn’t had the easiest last 7 years but she too has done and continues to do a magnificent job as I believe all mums do as they try to juggle work, family and relationships in the 21st century. And remember, when you’re a grandma you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about. Just relax and try to enjoy it all.